When you don't know someone's pronouns, don't guess. Use they/them.
Using they/them when referring to someone of unknown gender is inclusive, respectful, and grammatically correct. It avoids making assumptions and has been standard English for centuries.
When you default to "he" or "she" based on assumptions, you're reinforcing a binary view of gender that excludes non-binary, genderqueer, and gender non-conforming people. Many people use they/them pronouns as their primary pronouns, and normalizing singular "they" in everyday language helps create a more inclusive environment for everyone.
Using they/them by default also prevents awkward situations where you've misgendered someone and need to correct yourself. It's a simple habit that shows respect for all gender identities and helps build a culture where people feel seen and valued.
No. While "they" can be plural, it has been used as a singular pronoun in English for centuries. Singular "they" is grammatically correct, widely accepted, and the most natural way to refer to someone when you don't know their gender.
Singular "they" appears in the works of Shakespeare, Jane Austen, and countless other writers throughout history. Modern style guides have embraced it too:
If it's good enough for Shakespeare, it's good enough for your emails and messages.
If you know someone's pronouns, use them. They/them is the default for unknown or unspecified gender—not a replacement for someone's actual pronouns.
If someone tells you they use she/her, he/him, or any other pronouns, respect that and use what they've specified. Calling someone "they" when you know their pronouns can feel dismissive or invalidating. When in doubt, just ask: "What pronouns do you use?"